There are 43 days until the last day of this semester. Not that I’m counting down or anything. It both scares me and excites me that time has become such a paradox while at university. “A month went by so fast” we all say when we get home for Thanksgiving. “I can’t believe its only Tuesday” we say at the beginning of October. Never in my life have I been so confused as to what day it is. Or what month. Or even what season it is (no thanks to the momentary loss of air conditioning in the residence at St. Jerome’s). The truth is, I’ve come so far, but my goodness, there is so much left to get through.
Its not just that time has been a challenge, but I have found that I have never been so flustered and under so many time restraints until coming to Waterloo. It’s almost as if I don’t have enough hours in a day to get things finished, but somehow I manage to have 10 hours of sleep everyday (due to many staggered naps). I stay up until 2 a.m. either finishing an art project, or sitting in the cafeteria making various microwaved noodle meals with my friends who, like me, really don’t need to be eating macaroni and cheese so late at night (or should I say early in the morning). I have found that the work in general is not harder than the work in high school, but it is just the shear amount of it that has me feeling stressed out. With that in mind, this is the exact University life I was expecting. Well, maybe with just a bit less carbs.
When it comes to written assignments, there isn’t much that really makes me feel as though I cannot do them. In my philosophy class I have been given an essay assignment that requires an analysis and critique of a philosopher’s argument. Although I have been given the tools to fully complete the assignment, I have been struggling to begin, as I am oddly skeptical that I will be completing the assignment at the right level. I cannot know for sure that my writing is what is expected of me. I cannot seem to grasp that the assignment could just be as easy and straight forward as it actually is. What’s the catch? I have no idea. Maybe that’s because there isn’t one. But I can’t help but feel a sense of hesitation on this assignment. I still find it incredibly frustrating that I cannot just start a writing assignment as easily as everyone else seems to do, however, with more practice I think I will just naturally be able to complete an assignment without the same kind of unnecessary anxiety.
Something that I have definitely figured out from taking this course is my own writing style. I feel as though I have somewhat developed an understanding of what I am good at, and also how I typically write in terms of tone and diction. Upon reading my work I can sense directly that it was written truthfully how I would write things, and I can only imagine myself reading my work in my own voice. I feel as though I still have quite some ways to come, however I know for a fact that I am satisfied with my progress in narrowing down my own style.
I almost crave the feeling of having put together a really strong argumentative piece. I can feel the power of my own words, and know that it was me that created that combination that causes such an incredibly strong feeling. I’m not saying I have the ability to make people cry by accurately describing St. Thomas of Aquinas’ “Argument from Motion”, but there is something addictive about creating such a well put together argument that elicits such a feeling of confidence.
Not only to I look forward to having this feeling when writing this semester, but I hope to feel it more often, and with many types if writing. I find that I only feel like writing at certain times, when I am in certain moods. I can’t be mad, I can’t be overly happy, and I most definitely, under no circumstances, can write when I am hungry. I think that the time restraints will force me to just write so much more efficiently, however I have not yet found this to be true. Although I am unsure if efficiency can really be taught, it is definitely something that I need to work on for all of my courses.
All in all, with only 43 days left, I can definitely say that I have made more progress than just lowering the value of my bank account. I only hope that I can really narrow down what is making me hesitate to get a project started. I think that it will be difficult to discover the key to efficient working but I pray that it will click with me. Then again, I do have a whopping 43 days to figure it out.